Years.. for years the above sentence occupies my mind, keeps me walking steadily. Yes, it has been the source of my strength; remembering those faces of people surround me.. some of them with their warmth, some with sorrow, some with joy, some with excitement, some with their worries, some with their burden.. but they share one thing.. faith. That’s how I attained my own faith, because I was surrounded by faithful people. And with that inside my heart.. I move.. bit by bit..
But then came a huge gap in my timeline.. when everything’s simply crumbled, chaotic. I have no other words. I dont know how to explain it. It is just like a blank gap, when you dont receive any signal, no light, no direction, you dont even sure whether you have to wake up, stand, and walk.. or whether it is time to stay still. you’re simply puzzled, head start spinning, and you dont even know whether you have to stop or let it just spin, perhaps it’d stop naturally.
I know, it sound silly.. but it happened. The only thing that made me stay sane was the thought that the condition was not right, and I had to dig my way out of it. It took two years.. and I’m not quite sure how to choose a perspective to see those two years. All I know is I am grateful that now it’s passed, even though those two years dragged me to a situation I’ve never imagined before. Now when I can really see, slightly clearer than before… I know I left too much mess behind.. I’m bound to clean it up. And, another thing… after I regain a slightly clearer sight, I have to decide, where to go from this point.
It seems that I’m too preoccupied with the thought to find my next destination… I dont realize that all those years before..I simply walked, thinking of those who believe in me, grateful for the fact that I’m here, paying more attention to what I have in my plate.. and do the best with it. That’s how I used to live before the huge two years gap came.. But I forgot. So, I spent my time for whining, complaining, over-pondering my present condition without really doing something.. until a friend strucked me with his words. It’s like a slap on my face actually.. like telling me, hey, why are you complaining?? See, you have all the things in the world to be grateful for, you have those people who believe in you.. and you still dont know what to do with your life?? go, move! Stop pondering and start doing something as best as you can!
I can’t never thank him enough, for reminding me of the simple fact.
– From a Note, 3rd of July 2012.